Well, it's been a while. I've been kinda busy...got a new (unexciting) job working in a factory - whee... Been working 2nd shift, which has played havoc with my sleep schedule and my life in general...sigh. Work the odd double doesn't help either...ugh... Haven't had much time to write lately...although the nagging feeling at the back of my head is still there. Had a nice visit with Eric - my friend who just got married. He and his new wife Emily spent a few days with us. I got to see them in the evenings after work, wish we had had more time. Also had a nice visit with my sister Beth, who came home from Seattle for a week or so. Swimming, blueberry picking (the wild blueberry pie is AWESOME-thanks Beth!) On other fronts, Ivy and I have been talking about my going back to school...still intend to start int the spring, although exactly what I want to major in is a BIG question right now...the options on the table are Environmental Planning, English (I hear all my friends saying "YES!") and teaching - perhaps science. Pretty broad, but then I did always kinda consider myself a modern day renaissance man. When the time comes, the decision will be made. In the meantime, enjoy the suspense Ivy also has a new job, working for a nursing home in Meredith - Golden View. She's not really thrilled about it, but it's a foot in the door. She's looking for something with normal hours nearer home right now (OK, she's sleeping right now, but you know what I mean...) Her grad school stuff appears to be progressing well...although I'm not sure about the correspondence stuff...she has the books, but I'm at work when she does schoolwork, so I don;t really know. I DO know she had a great time at the residency. made some new friends and such...even had a prof ask her about working on a project together. On the gaming front, our Friday night game has moved to Saturdays (sorry Chet!) due to my new work schedule. Been watching cartoon/movies with the kids (Nausicaa, Dragons of Fire & Ice, etc) mostly kid stuff (OK, excepting the Studio Ghibli movies...) but some decent gaming ideas floating around in there...we'll see... Well, Going to take the kids out and check on the garden before I have to get ready for work.

This is for my bro, Mike (not actually related) in response to his April 13th blog image. Winter walk ski hat breath puffs out hint of inner warmth, perhaps fire? Big tree not dead just naked, verdant clothing shed like Mata-Hari's veils. Dusk decending snow glows in the half-light, sparkling clear sky prophecies the colder to come. Hunched against the gray chill, I shove my hands into pockets. Wonder why I'm out here. Nothing called me no birds, no people, nothing but stillness. Perhaps something pushed instead somehow this empty walk is more fulfilling than what waits at home.

Airport smoking section our little reservation to preserve the masses from our "taint" My grandfather called them "coffin nails" I had images of undertakers sealing coffins nails giving off puffs of smoke with every hammer strike Smoking is a part of me from that first teenage introduction smoking on the sly constantly washing hands & face, eating breath mints As an adult, I watchthe war rage fewer areas to smoke in California trying to keep us off the sidewalks and a pub in Atlanta with a chair 5' up a wall labled 'no smoking section' I look around me the mix of age, race, style like a cohort of criminals savoring our forbidden pleasure I just sit here soul-searching until I find something with edges sharp enough to stick to paper.

Well, as it is likely I won't get a chance at this thing until after I am home, some reactions to Nashville and it's folks. Being here for Eric Bryan & Emily Baldwin's (now Mrs. Eric Bryan-whoo-hoo!) wedding was wonderful. This man means more to me than any other man. I cried twice: once when I called to tell him I could not afford to come, once when I called to tell him I was coming anyway. Emily, I look forward to getting to know you as well as I do Eric...OK, almost as well... Kenny Hutson and Katy Bowser, you made a place for me in your home and more importantly made me feel at home. Kenny, I've known you for some time now and I am so happy you have found a woman as wonderful and talented as you are. (Both are musicians of a particular caliber. Kenny can be found here, since I know of no website, and Katy here check them out, you won't regret it!) The groomsmen, including Rob, Casey, and Matt-love you guys, thanks for the good times this week as well as past and future. This goes double for the rest of the wedding party, particularly the parents of the bride and groom. Damn, I wish I'd met them sooner! Again, Dr. Scott Baldwin and Mrs. Andrea (Andy) Baldwin. It is not fair that life gives us so short a time to spend with such great people. Nate and Hannah too. I do so hope to see you all again soon. Brent, for also putting me up for the tail of my stay (and offering to lend me his car-brave man!) And all of the other wonderful people I have met, re-met, gotten to know or know better, and forgotten to mention. It is you all that made this trip such a pleasure for me.

Some snippets from my walk to the cafe: I just sit, nursing a coffee for hours until I find something with edges sharp enough to stick to paper. _____ I am in a land that seems dedicated to God and Country (music) _____ The conversation should not be about our choice of religion. Rather, it should be about our spirituality, or lack thereof. The church is just another idol we have erected, an edifice of rules and laws ostensibly intended to ease our path - point the way to God, if you will. Instead, it just blocks our view of the truly divine.

While I've been sitting here, this lovely person (who was here to ask about putting her photos up inside) sat down and conversed with me while I perused here photo album. In the end, she gave me one of my choice and asked me to look her up if I ever came back to Nashville (she wanted me to see the arboretum and I told her I didn't have time this trip) She has a website (for now, as I hear yahoo is dismantling their photo service) here this is the one I chose: Sappy as it sounds, it made me think of my wife. The thought process went something like: "I really like this one, Ivy will like it too." Sentimental, yeah, so what?!?! Anyway, just another random meeting down here that has somehow impacted my life. I hope she sees this and knows the conversation was appreciated.

Well, woof...it's been almost a month without a post and I've been slowly regaining my sanity. Apologies for anyone who actually takes the time to read this tripe. ;) I am in Nashville right now, sitting at this nice little cafe called Sam & Zoe's. Nice little place. Of course, I smoke, so I'm sitting on the deck (ugh...forgot how HOT it is down here!) and I caught this image that has stuck with me, here's what it has become: Mockingbird Mimus polyglottos Mockingbird. A bird with no song of its own, it samples and adapts what it hears around it, be it other birds, cars, radios, or conversations. From this, it creates a melody exquisite and tragic singing: “I have no words of my own but listen, love, still, I am calling. In the evening, they fill the shrubbery with their beautiful loneliness. During the day, they compete with other birds for food and completion. Somewhere, there is another, who hears as I do. Outside my apartment there is one who has learned my neighbor’s car alarm. I suspect he sets it off himself occasionally to double-check the pitch and rhythm. Prolific in the South, none pay them heed. Just another drab little noisemaker. I cannot help but hear I cannot ignore another poet. At the café there is one who sits on a newsstand and sings the headlines. Surely there is a lady out there who is so enamored of the world.

Right, so the last one was kinda down but I'm not really feeling down, so I thought I'd post again. Lets see...This weekend, I built nine boxes to go around Ivy's roses. Also a sandbox for the kids (although I need more sand...and at $3/bag I think I may go steal some from a beach somewhere!) The yard items were all made from found lumber...if anyone is interested, I'll post how I made them: The rose boxes are essentially 1'x1' with stakes to prevent the mower from hitting them and to prevent our ever increasing zoo from digging around them. I took 4' lengths of beaded board (about 5" across) and cut into quarters. I also cut up several pressure-treated posts, like the ones used for porch railings (about 1"x1") and cut them in half, then half again at a 45 degree angle (to form a point to stick in the ground) Then, after a few false starts, I drilled holes through all the beaded board (to prevent splitting) I offset the holes on either end to prevent the screws from hitting each other during assembly and attached one stake to each board. I attached the stakes all ion the same direction, so that when the boxes were done they all faced different directions (in the hopes of added stability) {I'll put up a picture tomorrow here} Then I just pound them into the ground around the young rose bushes. The sand box was easier...maybe. I cut two 2"x10" boards (they were 16' long) into two 6' lengths each. These formed the sides, nailed together (because I didn't have long enough screws) with those ribbed nails for high wind areas, etc. I took the other two sections (each 4' long) and cut each end at a 45 degree angle, then cut across the middle at a 45 degree angle to create corner seats, which I nailed onto the top of the assembled sides. BTW, the 45 degree angles were to create two trapezoidal pieces each After the 'frame' was assembled, I nailed (because I couldn't find my @#$%^! staple gun) some weed-blocker fabric to the bottom, to hold the sand in somewhat but allow for drainage (ever seen what happens to a plastic-lined sandbox after a heavy rain?) Then fill with sand. {picture here tomorrow}

OK, so I've been a slug... Where shall I start? Perhaps with the fact that as of the start of this blog, I am unemployed. I work as a real estate appraiser. I worked with my father. We had a conversation. He said something along the lines of, "You need to find what makes you sing." I heard, " You're fired." To top it all off, I got the letter from the NH Real Estate Appraiser Board giving me the go-ahead to take the exam for Certified General two days later. Nice. So anyway, I have been looking for a new job. Recently I applied for two assessor jobs, one in Laconia and one in Meredith. Now I wait with baited breath...OK, now I wait with hopes of a source of income :P So, anyone out there want to give a NH soon-to-be Certified General Appraiser a job? Thought not. Thanks

So, for those who care...I just started two yahoo groups, the first for my gamer friends and the second is for my writer friends... Gamers here: http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/aarta/ Writers here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/plymouthpoets/ stop on by...

Well, the title says poetry... A touch of background, my brother is schizophrenic, and this poem was the result of several frustrating phone conversations. Has been read at the PSU Poets & Writers open mic in Plymouth, NH. I. The Nazis chased you out of Barcelona. But you saw their tracks, the hidden swastikas in the furniture and floor mosaics. You had to do it, they needed to be dealt with. Sacramento wasn’t much better, but at least they let you drive. II. Eventually, you made it back to the Northeast trailing smoke and broken dishes. It seemed a safe haven but car rides, dead sparrows, woodland wanderings, crucified moths, secret societies, scents of lead, radioactive poison left behind by terrifying men, on your pillow and the pages of a magazine at the hospital. They let you out on Halloween. III. Having escaped, Houdini-like, a single candle burns annually hoping for a response. Images not quite seen, black on black, the voices speak through you control your actions, there is no accountability, “that was different,” you say, “they were controlling me again.” And I have nothing. No insight, no response.

So, a blog I set up in 2005, and I finally get around to posting to it. sigh... Such is life, I guess. As an introduction, I'm Camwyn (aka Stephen Page) a name I have used online and off (in role-playing and LARPs) for over a decade. I live in NH with my wife, daughters (currently 6 and 8), a roommate, her daughter (also 6), two dogs, two cats, a ferret, a fish tank and several houseplants. I have written poetry off and on for a LONG time, although I will admit it has only been decent for about the last 10 years (unfortunately, most of which has been off-as in not writing). I have done a little of everything work-wise, and more life-wise. I'm doing this for several reasons, most of which no-one would really care about (so I won't go into it) Don't expect anything earthshaking, but hopefully entertaining and sometimes educational.